UMPQUA BANK ORENCO STATION

Hey there, fellow netizens! Buckle up because I've got a story that's juicier than the latest TikTok drama. So, you're thinking about banking with Umpqua, huh? Well, let me stop you right there before you make a colossal mistake.

Picture this: you waltz into Umpqua's branch, expecting top-notch service, but instead, you must be attacked by Marbella Bare, the supposed manager who's about as helpful as a broken smartphone screen. This ilk is so self-absorbed, she probably takes more selfies than she does actual work. And don't even get me started on her customer service skills – they're about as nonexistent as my chances of becoming a professional Fortnite player.

But wait, it gets better. So, I'm standing there, telling her I drove from downtown Beaverton specifically so a manager could assist me, when one of the laziest employees had the audacity to tell me I can make an appointment because both the store manager and assistant manager are on the phone. Seriously? Last time I checked, not even the President of the United States travels with the Vice President, but Marbella here thinks she's more important than the leader of the free world. Talk about delusions of grandeur!

Now, I don't know about you, but I didn't sign up for this level of absurdity when I decided to open an account. I mean, I'd rather binge-watch cat videos on YouTube for hours than deal with Marbella and her band of merry slackers.

So, do yourself a favor and steer clear of Marbella Bare, her lackluster branch, and Umpqua bank altogether. Trust me, your sanity will thank you later. And who knows, maybe Cort OHaver CEO/president will finally get Marbella to realize that customer service isn't just a buzzword – it's a way of life.